i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
