bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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