Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
