I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
