he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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