You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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