she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
