Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
