I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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