Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
