He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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