I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
