i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
