in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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