Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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