Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize