Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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