I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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