there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
