I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
