This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
