And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
