I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
