tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
