Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
