Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
