You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
