she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
this will be a night to untag.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
