I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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