erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
