I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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