I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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