Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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