i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
