i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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