So drunk its hurt
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
