sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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