I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
pray to the hookup gods
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
