4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
