Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Be still, my beating vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize