the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
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My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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