id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
