i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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