my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize