kristin has been a bad kristin
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize