We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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