Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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