Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
