So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
