I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
