What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
