Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
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I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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