imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
