your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
