I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
