Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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