Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
