I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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