Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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