She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
