oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Your penis caused this!
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