On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
