I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
