In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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