i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
