I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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