I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
