We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
