Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
