hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
